COMMUNICATION STYLE
In the last topic, we looked at how you can better communicate with your partner based on their attachment style. In this topic, let’s look more generally at the different styles of communication.
We often talk about four communication styles: Passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and assertive.
Passive communicators tend to avoid expressing their needs or opinions. They might prioritise what their partner wants over what they want. They will rarely fight or argue, but this doesn’t mean that all is well. Because they don’t express what they really want, it can lead to unmet expectations and a lack of personal fulfilment, which can cause misunderstandings and frustration until finally they reach a breaking point.
Aggressive communicators express their needs forcefully; they prioritise their needs over everyone else’s. This can lead to conflicts and strained relationships; they might be perceived as dominating or confrontational. Listening may take a back seat.
Passive-aggressive communicators combine elements of both passive and aggressive styles and express their dissatisfaction indirectly. They may use sarcasm, subtle jabs, or backhanded compliments, making it challenging for others to address the underlying issues. This style can lead to a toxic atmosphere and strained relationships.
Assertive communicators manage to maintain a healthy balance between expressing their needs and respecting the needs of their partner. Clear, confident, and considerate, it makes it easier to work through issues as both parties feel heard and valued without compromising their own needs.
Good communication is the bedrock of all relationships. It allows you to understand your partner, build trust and address conflict. When both partners express their feelings effectively and actively listen to each other, it establishes a supportive environment, ensuring each feels valued and heard and develops a strong emotional connection.
All these different communication styles have their place and can be effective in specific situations. The trick is matching the most appropriate style to the situation.
The first step is to understand which communication styles you use; you may favour one style or use a combination. You can then look at where communication has been effective. Where it hasn’t, you can identify an alternative approach that may work better in the future.
Use the worksheet to help you look at the way you communicate.
Reflection
- What insights did I gain from this topic or exercise?
- What communication style does my partner have?
